Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Mother of Two
When I found out I was pregnant with Brody I had a huge variety of feelings rush over me at the same time. I was excited, nervous, hysterical, second guessing myself, and terrified just to name a few. My reaction to my pregnancy with Brody was much different than my reaction to my pregnancy with Braden (my mom loves telling that story lol). The entire pregnancy with Brody I kept looking at Braden wondering how in the world I was going to love and care for another child the way I did him. I honestly didn't think it was possible to love two children the same. Everyone I talked to said that it would just come. Your heart just expands when a new little one comes into the picture and it is so true. It sounds so cliche but once I laid eyes on Brody everything changed. I instantly had this intense love for both of my kids....kids....that is still weird to say. What else is weird is how I love them both the same. I thought for sure with Braden being my first I would favor him more or even love him more but that isn't true. I can honestly say I love them both the same.
When I had Braden I was a little more immature and had a lot to learn. I didn't do everything I was supposed to do and I didn't put the time into being a mother like I should have. I still think I was a good mom when I had him but I wasn't the best I could have been. Being a little older now I am a different mother to both of them. I think I have more patience and my priorities have definitely shifted. I know now having them that this is what I am supposed to do. Some women choose a career and some women choose to be both a career woman and a mother. I know I am meant to be a mother.
I have always wanted kids for as far back as I can remember. I just feel this is really what I am supposed to be doing. So much so that even though Brody is only 12 days old I am already looking forward to the next (and probably last) baby. With everything going on with Jons non work situation and our savings being drained the kids make me happy. They are so innocent and have such a positive outlook on everything (except naps) how can you not love that? I am in a place now that I know even if we lost the house or our stuff I am content as long as we are all together. Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't had Braden when I did. Where would I be? What would I be doing? It is so amazing how one thing in your life can change the entire path in which you take. Braden wasn't planned but I am so glad he came when he did. I may be stressed out a lot and I might worry too but I am truly happy and wouldn't change my life for anything...ok well if I could move to the beach I would...but that's it! ;)