Wednesday, September 30, 2009

'Cause I'm just like a honey bee.........

I love how everything can turn into a No Doubt song!

Ok I hate to talk about the same crap over and over but it makes me feel better to write it out so sorry! Today Jon was yet again moved only this time it was him and his friend Danny. They were put on their own section all day. A little into the start of the project one of the higher ups that is for sure safe until the end poked his head into Jon's area and said "Hey if you guys can finish this by today you are safe from another lay-off." The only problem was that this task was nearly impossible for just two people to finish in a day. Nonetheless they worked the entire day to finish it, no breaks no lunch no nothing and still didn't finish. I am almost positive that they are going to get the boot regardless of what they do, and the others are just messing with them, which if they are that is nothing more than childish and stupid. These are supposed to be grown men. In the construction business your safety doesn't depend on just one day, if they are going to be gone, they will be gone regardless if they finished the task or not.

Of course I had my breakdown today trying to figure out what we are going to do and being pregnant doesn't help when you have to stay strong. We hope he has something else lined up but you just never know. We have money saved but my biggest fear is we go through all of our savings and it still ends up not being enough. I am so sick to death of crying and whining about this, I really am. Crying feels good at the time but it solves nothing! Hopefully all this worry is for nothing and his connections pull through. Send us good "hope you get a job quick" vibes! Since it fits the theme here is the lyrics to the song that describes me to a tee.....enjoy and I will try to make my next entry witty and fun :)

No Doubt---Blue in the Face

Just like a bee rushing to a comb of honey
Why can't you see you look so very funny
You worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face

Relax and sleep, tomorrow isn't leaving
And counting your sheep won't relieve you from this grieving
You worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face
But you'll make ends meet I know you will so please pull up a chair
Take your time the world's not going anywhere
Honey, you worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face

Blue in the face
'Cause you're always in a hurry
Blue in the face
'Cause you always tend to worry
You're just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die

It's just like you to fret like you do
So take the afternoon and maybe someday soon
You won't have to worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face
But you'll make ends meet I know you will so please pull up a chair
Take your time the world's not going anywhere
Honey, you worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face

Blue in the face
'Cause you're always in a hurry
Blue in the face
'Cause you always tend to worry
You're just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die
You're just like a honey bee zap!

...Oh, when you're in a state of mind they call anxiety
And you find it very necessary to pull out your hair
Don't be discouraged
Oh, honey have courage
Don't worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face
Like always you worry till you're blue in the face
Honey why worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face

You're always in a hurry
Blue in the face
You always tend to worry
Cause you're just like a honey bee, you panic, you sting, then you die
Just like a honey bee

Blue in the face
You got no time to waste
Slow down the pace
You're turning blue, blue, blue

Blue in the face
You got no time to waste
Slow down the pace
You're turning blue

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Heeeeere we go

Yesterday everyone at Jons job got transferred under one guy...which is the beginning of the end for the most part. He has been told that he is on the "do not lay-off" list for now, but things can change very quickly in his line of work. As much as I have been stressing out, I know there is nothing I can do to change what will happen. Hopefully he is good for another month and we can keep saving! Best case senario is that something comes along and he doesn't miss more than a day or two of work.....that would be awesome! Whatever happens we will make it work :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Dream a little dream

I don't know what it is about being pregnant that brings out the most crazy, vivid, and beautiful dreams! The best part is I can actually remember them! Last night I had a dream I had a girl and she was perfect and beautiful :)

I had a dream about Braden when I was pregnant with him too but I could never see his face. I got to see her face in this dream and she looked like the perfect mix of Jon and I. We will find out if I am right about the baby being a girl in about a month....but I am pretty convinced!

Friday, September 18, 2009

What else is new?

You know I really wish I could be one of those people who can turn their mind off before they go to bed.

It makes me crazy how tired I am and how when I get into my nice cozy bed all I can do is think. I haven't always been this way, it seems to have started after I had Braden which makes me wonder how much of a nutcase I will be after this baby comes.

Things are ok right now but everyday we are waiting for Jon to get laid off. We know it is going to happen we just don't know WHEN. I am constantly worried that when he gets laid off there won't be any work, and we will lose everything. We decided to try for this baby because we felt secure and I am scared things are going to end up like they did when we had Braden.

Braden wasn't planned but you have to go with the flow. When he was born we were BROKE, maybe pulling in $750 every two weeks. Some months we couldn't pay rent and had to borrow money from our parents for diapers and formula. I always said that when we had another one things would be different and I really hope that is the case. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck ever again and we are going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen.

I suppose everything always has a way of working themselves out and "everything happens for a reason" Jon and I have dealt with bigger problems before and have come out just fine. I need to be able to accept the fact that worrying profusely everyday will not change anything that is going to happen. I know that but it doesn't stop my mind from over analyzing everything we do and every penny we spend. This stress and anxiety is exhausting and probably not the best for me. *sigh* I could really use a day on a beach right now....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Good News!

SO yaaaay! There is a baby in my belly :)

We are sooo excited!

BTW wouldn't that bag make the PERFECT diaper bag??

My birthday is coming up ya know :)

Monday, September 7, 2009

Change of pace

Normally I like to be funny and witty on my blog but sometimes things need to be said that aren't so fun. One thing I absolutely CANNOT stand is any kind of ill will or maliciousness towards a child. It makes me crazy.

I have talked about my "dads" new wife( easily considered an Evil Stepmother, eventhough she would probably love being called that) on many many occasions and the events that have occurred between us. I put his name in quotations because he is nothing even close to a father or even a father figure for that matter, and he disgusts me. His wife has done everything in her power to push me out and make a relationship with him difficult and has also succeeded in doing so. Honestly I am a big girl and that is fine, I have moved on and gotten over it and man is my life so much better without them! Since she has succeeded in attacking me to no end and I am not there anymore for her to mess with she has now moved on to my 12 year old sister. What a sick twisted sad person, picking on a little girl.

When I was having problems with this individual it was much easier. I didn't have to go there every other weekend and I wasn't 12. I was able to stand up for myself and fight back and eventually move on with my life. My sister is really stuck and it breaks my heart. His wife manipulates, attacks (not physically) and brings my sister down so much that it is hard to watch. She calls my sister names, doesn't appreciate her, and doesn't even trust her to be alone with her 7 year old son. I have never seen anyone act so terribly to a child and it honestly takes everything in me to stop myself from beating the crap out of this girl. I don't know if she had some effed up childhood or why she feels the need to make children feel like crap but I don't think it is ok. Oh and by the way she is only 2 years older than me so it makes it even harder for my sister to accept that she has to listen to someone almost the same age as her sister.

I am a very nice person and I get along with a lot of people, but when I love I love hard. If you burn me it sucks to be you, and if you mess with my family you should probably make every effort to not cross paths with me. The simple solution to this would be to bring all of this to her Dads attention right? Wrong. He is a spineless piece of work who believes his precious wife always means well and would never purposely hurt someones feelings, and let me tell you how sick it is. For a while I never understood the term "whipped" but now I do. He can't do anything without asking her first and it is annoying. It is very hard to have respect for someone who can't think. I know I sound harsh right now but there is sooo much history that I am allowed to be like this!

Getting back to my sister though I will say she is one of the nicest, well behaved, responsible and loving 12 year old girls I have ever met. She hardly talks back (well she IS 12! lol) and is just so sweet, so when I hear of someone talking bad to her it is hard not to turn into the Incredible Hulk. Children are so innocent and I hate when people close to them belittle them just to feel better about themselves as some sick kind of release. Anyone who chooses another person over their children is sick and confused in my opinion. I don't think I would understand all of this if I wasn't a mother. I have no respect for anyone who cant listen to their children and always take their side. Your children are forever, and they love you unconditionally. But you can only push a kid aside so much until they get older and wiser and move on to better themselves.

I really hope that he gets his shit in order and realizes what he is doing before it is too late. It is already too late for mine and his relationship and I would hate for him to end up a very lonely old sad man. In the end it is ultimately his loss, but I really honestly hope that his hag wises up and learns some maturity and treats my sister better and he takes it upon himself for once in his life to tell her that she can't talk to his daughter like that. Grow some balls dude and try to act like a man and a father.....for once

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I have come to realize

I have done this before and like to revise it every so often and encourage everyone else to do it too :)

I have come to realize:

I will never have the perfect body
I will never be a perfect mother
People closest to you hurt you the most when they let you down
Never doesn't always mean never
Mid life crises do exist
You never get used to losing people you love
You can forgive but hardly forget
I have a lot to learn
My mother made me who I am
Motherhood is exciting, terrifying,a dn rewarding all at the same time
I have no idea what I want to do with my life
I am a good person
The drama doesn't stop after high lessens
There is always someone out there who will try to bring you down
People do deserve second chances...just not third, fourth, or fifth
Some people will never change
I do not regret anything
I am a strong person
Sometimes I take things for granted
My son changed my outlook on life
Sometimes it is better to shut your mouth even if you know you are right
I can't fix everyones much as I want to
Laughter is the best medicine most of the time
I have the best family and friends (ok I have known that for a loooong time)
I can be needy
I love to be loved
It is ok to be wrong

Ok your turn!