Sunday, July 29, 2012


After trying to stop labor for two days and having an emergency c-section right as my epidural failed, I gave birth to my beautiful first born at 36 weeks on a very stormy night on 07/29/05 at 12:49AM. 
I didnt even get to see him until the next day, because he was whisked away to the NICU where he gave us a scare and stayed for 5 days. He has grown into the most loving, smart, and handsome little boy and I am very proud to be his mommy. I love him more and more each day. Happy 7th Birthday Braden!!! Mommy is so proud of you and loves you so much!!

The Great Boob Debate

Breastfeeding VS. Bottle Feeding.  It is a well known debate that can make family, strangers, message boards, and even the best of friends turn against each other.  It is a decision that I am finding myself right smack in the middle of right now.

I have three kids and have breastfed and formula fed.  My first born was a preemie and never really got the hang of breastfeeding, nor did I really have the patience given the fact that I was 19. The hospital wasn't very helpful either.  After I gave birth they threw a breast pump in my room and told me I could pump if I wanted to.  No one gave me instructions or offered to help me so I just gravitated towards formula since it was easier. When I gave birth to my second at the age of 24 (at the same hospital) the nurses were very helpful in assisting me with my desire to breastfeed.  They brought in a lactation consultant, and instructed me on how to get my milk to come in.  At the same time they also offered me the option to decline and take advantage of the formula they had there.  That was back in 2010.  I gave birth again this year and let me tell you just how crazy and pushy breastfeeding has gotten.  First off, I will mention that I have given birth at the same hospital all three times and each time has been very different.  The most recent time I went breastfeeding wasn't only encouraged it was pretty much forced.  I was informed that they were a "pro breastfeeding hospital" which meant basically that they would no longer provide pacifiers, and were even very reluctant to allow me to supplement with formula until my milk came in.  It wasn't a HUGE deal given the fact that I had already decided ahead of time that I intended to breastfeed.  The nurses talked NONSTOP about how much better breastfeeding is and blah blah blah, I agree, but I didn't need it pushed down my throat.

I sat there in awe after one nurse had gone on, what I will call a tangent for over 30 minutes telling me how much better breastfed babies are compared to ones who are on formula.  Now as I mentioned I had formula fed my first born and let me tell you, he has no problems and is incredibly smart, as we were asked if we wanted him to skip a grade.  He also rarely gets sick and he did all of that without my "magical" breast milk.  I took offense to her bashing formula fed babies and the parents who decided to put their innocent babies on that poison.  However, as usual I kept my mouth shut...I mean lets be real she WAS in charge of my pain meds and that was the last thing I wanted to do was piss her off!  But after she left I sat and thought to myself "who the hell does she think she is?" "How does she get off thinking she can tell me how to take care of MY baby, and try to force something down my throat (and technically my baby's)?"  Essentially she was implying that only breastfed babies are healthy, smart, and better off, which just isn't the case.

Now before I piss too many people off, yes I know how beneficial breastfeeding is, I have breastfed two of my kids remember?  I am in no way saying that it isn't scientifically the better option, but what I AM saying is that women who decide it isn't for them shouldn't be ridiculed or put down.  It just isn't for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  It is good that this country is pro-breastfeeding and encourages it, but no one, and I mean no one, should tell someone how to take care of their baby unless the baby is not being taken care of, or unless a parent ASKS for advice.  Other than that it is no ones place to instill their opinion on how one decides to feed their baby.  

This all came about because while I have been breastfeeding my newest addition for the last 5 months (almost) we are having a lot of trouble, and so I have been tossing around the idea of "quitting", if you will, and going to formula.  I have actually been thinking of doing it for a while but every time I think about it I get an enormous wave of guilt.  That guilt comes from society in my opinion, that nurse, and just about everything I read lately that claims (pretty much) that if you don't breastfeed your baby, then your baby is doomed.  In fact I Googled "want to stop breastfeeding but feel guilty" and 115,000 different posts popped up, all with multiple responses within each post, which means I am for sure not alone in having these feelings.  Breastfeeding has to be something that you want to do, not something that you feel obligated to do, because if you feel obligated it will be a horrible experience for both mom and baby. 

Ultimately I have decided that I am going to switch to formula.  Maybe I am a little selfish but I am just ready for my body to be MY body again, and that's OK.  I am exhausted from being on demand 24/7, not being able to go out when I want, or even having to time my grocery shopping to make sure I will be back in time to feed my baby again.  Breastfeeding is a very demanding task and while some people may decide to breastfeed until their child is ready to stop, I am just not that parent.  I think it will benefit both my daughter and I to switch because I am sure she is sensing how burnt out I am.  Plus my husband and other family members can feed her once in a while, and my boob wont have to be "on call" 24/7.  

The bottom line is that you should always do what you feel is best for you and your baby.  Whether you want to give your baby the boob, or the bottle it is your choice and yours alone, I'm not judging.  Please don't let people put you down one way or another.  As long as your baby is being fed then I would say you're doing a good job!  Just remember if EVERYONE breastfed then there would be no market for formula and they would go out of business, and I'm pretty sure they are doing OK.  

So whip it out or mix it up...the choice is yours :)

So I guess you could say I'm pro-choice?  Ok ok thats an entirely different debate for another day ;)

Friday, July 20, 2012

Another tragedy in Colorado

Today a man named James Holmes unloaded on a theater full of people watching the midnight premier  "The Dark Knight Rises".  It is hard to even imagine being in a situation like that.  What posses someone to plan out such an attack on innocent people?  I just don't get it.  How sick do you have to be to do such a thing knowing that there are children present?  Is it for notoriety?  Pleasure?  Fame?  Who knows all I can say is that I live no where in the vicinity of that movie theater and it has affected me greatly.  There was an interview with a couple who had their 4 month old and 6 year old with them and explained how they had shielded their children from the gunman and prayed that it would work.  This especially hit home since I have a 4 month old baby girl a 2year old son and a 6 year old as well.  They were sobbing as they were recounting the event, and my heart just breaks for them.  Luckily they all made it out alive and uninjured but sadly over 70 people were wounded and 12 were killed.

I have decided not to post a picture of this psychopaths picture because I feel the media is doing it enough and I don't feel he deserves any more publicity for his horrendous crime.  This opens up a whole slew of debates that unfortunately I believe the presidential candidates will take advantage of....most obvious would be gun control and questioning the right to posses guns.  Do I think that you shouldn't be able to posses a gun?  No not really.  You could maybe make a law that one would have to undergo a psychological evaluation before being approved for a gun, but most psychopaths are extremely intelligent and have been known to pass such a test with no problem.  I think that if someone really wants to get ahold of a gun they will.  People do it every day, in fact most of the guns used in crimes are either stolen or obtained in some other illegal manor.

I have spent most of the day watching report after report and reading story after story regarding this tragedy and came across some comments people made after the stories.  Surprisingly a lot of people went straight to the video game blame.  When is this excuse going to be put to rest.  If video games influenced such events they would happen so much more often.  I play video games that involve shooting and I have never had the urge to go out and start shooting people.  In fact people who knew the shooter said he was an avid video game player , wanna know what he played the most?  Guitar Hero.  That's right, he played probably the most non violent video game that exists.  This in my opinion it is NOT a valid reason to blame especially in this case.

The fact of the matter is that this was obviously a very troubled person who had serious mental issues.  People who "knew" him, and I say that in quotes because no one really knew him, said he was very reclusive and quiet.  Which is almost always the case.  He kept to himself and when people do that no one sees them as a threat.  Same thing will Columbine, which was only 15 miles away, those two were quiet, they were goth, but other than that did not attract attention to themselves.  I can only try to imagine how the people in that community are dealing with this right now.  Yet another resident of Colorado busts into a place armed and starts shooting for no reason, with no specific target.  Most of the murders out there are not random.  In most cases there is a target, so it is scary when you hear of such a random attack.

There are reports that the shooter dyed his hair orange or red and told police he was the Joker.  If that doesn't prove that he is a demented mess I don't know what does.  That is just that, I don't think there is much else to blame, not video games, or music, or the Batman franchise.  What is next, are they going to blame the late Heath Ledger for his role as the Joker for this man going crazy and shooting up a theater full of people trying to enjoy a movie they have waited months for?  There is no one/thing to blame but the shooter himself.  I understand that when something like this happens people grasp onto anything just to be able to have an explanation, but sometimes there isn't an explanation.  If anyone is looking to the shooter for an explanation I highly doubt that they are going to get one.  Someone who thinks they are a fictional character in a movie is not going to give a straight answer as to why, because there is no reason.  He did it and that's it.  If there is any explanation it is that possibly he has always been an outcast or in the shadows and no one ever paid attention to him or even know his name.  Now everyone knows his name, as horrible as it sounds he is famous.  Not in a good way of course but famous nonetheless.  Unfortunately  Things like this just happen sometimes but we have to go on with our lives and stop living in fear.  I am the last person who should talk about not being afraid of going on with our lives since I have only gotten on a plane twice since 9/11, and had a MAJOR panic attack each time, but it is true.  We can't let THEM win.  So please go see a movie if you want to see a movie, and fly if you want to fly (I will try to take my own advice), because it isn't healthy to live in such fear.  Life is too short and you shouldn't let your life pass you by.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of those either directly or indirectly affected by this tragedy.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Hollywood Sucks

I was going through all of my usual websites today (TMZ, Perez, etc.) when I saw this pop up on TMZ

Nine weeks after giving birth to daughter Maxwell, Jessica Simpson once again showed off her voluptuous post-partum curves and nearly spilled out of her slimming black spandex fitness wear as she made her way to a gym in L.A. on Monday.

31-year-old Simpson -- who inked a $4 million deal with Weight Watchers -- has vowed to slim all the way down to 130 pounds. 

Jess does not want to be an unfit mom.

Ok I can obviously read through all the sarcasm in this little "article" and it is sickening.  First off let me start y saying that I LOVE my gossip websites and like to hear about the latest news and see the newest pictures, but when it comes to the weight of a celebrity it is just unfair.  Terms in the celebrity world like "voluptuous" are not very flattering or welcome and they are basically just calling the person fat.  Saying that she "nearly spilled" out of her spandex is mean and unnecessary.  What they have failed to notice is how they started off the article, with the fact that she just gave birth NINE WEEKS AGO.  No wonder this country has so many image problems.  A woman is not even allowed to enjoy her baby, it is all about losing the weight the fastest and "bouncing back"

Yes, I am probably a little bitter because I gave birth back in March and have yet to lose all of my baby weight.  Seeing celebrities on the internet or in magazines that have lost all of their baby weight and sometimes more almost immediately puts a lot of pressure on a normal person to feel bad if they don't do it too.  Oh and my favorite line they all use when asked how they drop the weight so quick? "I just breastfeed" BULLSHIT.  It is scientifically proven that when you breastfeed your body tends to hold on to 10-15lbs of fat to make the milk.  In most cases it doesn't matter what you do.  After I gave birth to my second son I started doing P90X religiously for 60 days and never dropped a single pound, all because I was breastfeeding at the same time.  Eventually when I stopped breastfeeding the weight came off fairly easy with a little bit of exercise.

Honestly I think they all get back in to unbelievable shape so quick with the use of some surgery and Spanx lots and lots of Spanx.  Oh and the fact that they have nannies, personal chefs, and 5 hours a day to workout with their personal trainers.  A normal person just shouldn't expect those kind of results, unless they have all of that time and all of those resources.  It is much easier said than done though, as I can speak from personal experience.

I love the fact that Jessica Simpson enjoyed her pregnancy, let herself gain weight and not give a single shit what other people said.  It is better than doing what most of them do and friggen starve themselves the entire pregnancy because they are too afraid to gain weight.  Some of them are even vain enough to get surrogates because they can't bear the thought of messing up their bodies.  If more women in the public eye embraced themselves and their pregnancies this country wouldn't be so corrupt when it comes to body image.  I know if affected me in high school (and still does) and I worry sometimes about my 15 year old sister and what she sees in the magazines, internet and TV, because most of those thin people aren't considered healthy.  So good for you Jessica Simpson, as a woman living in reality I applaud you, and thank you for caring more about your happiness and your baby than your weight.

One thing we have to remember is that the average woman in America is a size 10-12 and the average celebrity is between 2-4.  You don't have to be that skinny to be beautiful, and starving yourself to "fit in" is no way to live your life.  Indulge once in a while, just don't overdo it.  And if you ever feel like a size 12 is unattractive, remember Marilyn Monroe was one of the biggest sex symbols of all time and wore a size 12.