The word of the day is...UMMM

Oh boy where do I start? I could tell this day was going to start off interesting by the sleep (or lack there of) I got last night. I was so nervous about my upcoming interview that Ihad that weird sleep all night, where you feel like you are awake but really you are half sleeping. I just couldn't relax and on top of that Brody wasn't very helpful by waking up within on hour of his previous feeding.

I finally got out of bed on time to take my shower ( which I cried through) and was trying to relax and get mentally prepared. I almost didn't go to this interview this morning because I was so scared and part of me just really didn't want to get the job. I felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde going back and fourth about my feelings about the interview. I knew that on one hand I needed to land this job for money reasons and on the other hand if I didn't get it then I wouldn't have to leave my babies. Ugh it is so hard to be prepared for an interview when your emotions are running wild.

Eventually I finished getting ready and got my butt in the car (early for once!) and off I went. Of course I passed the building the first time even though I had google earthed it so I knew what to look for, and then it started to hail....yes HAIL! I was thinking "Oh haaaaail no" as Katie would say :) made a U-Turn and finally made it to the parking lot only to find there were no numbers on the buildings! There were two huge buildings that looked exactly the same (which was oh so helpful) so I picked one and hoped for the best. I got lucky and picked the right one and that is pretty much where my luck stopped. I sat there for a good 20 minutes (since I was early) and there is nothing worse than sitting there waiting. Finally two women walked down the large stairs and approached me. They didn't smile at first they just stared at me. I nervously smiled and finally they said "Brittany?" I replied yes and we made our way back up the stairs.

I made some small talk going up the stairs to show that I was personable and friendly because I knew once the interview started I would probably freeze up and look stupid. I was hoping I wouldn't but hey this was my first interview in about 5 years sooo ya know. We got in the room and the two women put on their Van Damme faces and instantly I got nervous. Let me just say something, interviews are scary no matter who you are, and most of the time it is just one person interviewing you but this time there were two of them just staring at me! It felt more like an interrogation than an interview. They started off telling me about the company, who they were, what they were about, blah blah blah and then asked me about my employment history and this is where is started going downhill. The number one rule you do not break when interviewing is saying umm a lot or even a little. I know this but I still managed to say umm about every third word out of my mouth. Every time I would say it I would think "STOP SAYING UMM!!!" followed by more umms. I just froze I didn't know how to talk, sit, present myself..NOTHING. Then they asked me "Do you have any questions for us?" I thought "Don't say no, don't say no, quick think of something!!" to which I responded "Nope! I was going to ask about the company but you already explained that to me." Oh seriously?? Did I just say that?? That's right I couldn't think of ONE question, in fact I froze up so much I didn't even ask what the pay scale was! After that they said "OK well if you don't have any questions for us I guess we can stop" Uh oh not good. As they were walking me back down the stairs to the doors I tried to make small talk again but I knew it had gone pretty bad. Then instead of saying "OK we will be in touch" or ANYTHING they said "OK well have a nice day and thank you for coming in" did you hear that? Yeah that would be the nail in the coffin. I knew it was over by then.

Total time of the interview: 15 minutes....not good

I was pretty pissed at myself that I messed it up so bad but I really did try my best. I can't help it that I froze and I tried my best to make myself sound good and answer all of their questions professionally. I suppose if it is meant to be then I will get it. Only once in my life have I interviewed for a job and not gotten it, this may very well be the second.

Sleep Deprived and Work??

So wow yeah my little Shovel is over a month old already! Time is going so fast and he is getting so big everyday. I am still amazed at how in love I am with him, and how everyday I just seem to love him more. He is such a **knock on wood** good baby. We are still adjusting and his sleep schedule is still a little off but I am managing. Some nights he will sleep for a straight 4 hours and other nights he is up every hour and a half.

Braden is also still adjusting. He is honestly a very good boy it is just lately he is doing anything and everything to get a rise out of me. He knows he is doing wrong but he just keeps going. On the upside though he is completely done with Pull-Ups and is sleeping through the night in his underwear. I was afraid when we brought Shovel home that Braden might go backwards and start peeing his pants for more attention or to be more like a baby, but he did just the opposite and we are rewarding him later this week (he will get to pick a toy)

It has now been 6 whole months since Jon got laid off and since our saving is getting pretty low we decided I should start job hunting. In fact I have an interview tomorrow. I have so many mixed emotions about it but I really don't have a choice. I know I am doing it for my family but that really doesn't make it any easier. Most people take off the first 3 months of thier baby's life and here I am with a 1 month old job hunting. I suppose the only upside is the fact that I don't have to put him in daycare and he will be home with his daddy. Once Jon gets steady work again I can quit and go back to being home but who knows when that will be!

I am so afraid I am going to miss all of Brody's firsts if I am away at work. Things like his first smile, rolling over, saying a word, crawling!! What if I end up working long enough to miss all of those?? Not to mention Braden starts school this year and I will be dammed if I miss his first day of Kindergarten.....btw why is it spelled kinderGARTEN, shouldn't it be kinderGARDEN? I mean isn't that the way we all say it? Ok I am getting off the subject which means it is time to go. I will try to update more often but newborns don't leave much extra time :)

Mother of Two

When I found out I was pregnant with Brody I had a huge variety of feelings rush over me at the same time. I was excited, nervous, hysterical, second guessing myself, and terrified just to name a few. My reaction to my pregnancy with Brody was much different than my reaction to my pregnancy with Braden (my mom loves telling that story lol). The entire pregnancy with Brody I kept looking at Braden wondering how in the world I was going to love and care for another child the way I did him. I honestly didn't think it was possible to love two children the same. Everyone I talked to said that it would just come. Your heart just expands when a new little one comes into the picture and it is so true. It sounds so cliche but once I laid eyes on Brody everything changed. I instantly had this intense love for both of my kids....kids....that is still weird to say. What else is weird is how I love them both the same. I thought for sure with Braden being my first I would favor him more or even love him more but that isn't true. I can honestly say I love them both the same.

When I had Braden I was a little more immature and had a lot to learn. I didn't do everything I was supposed to do and I didn't put the time into being a mother like I should have. I still think I was a good mom when I had him but I wasn't the best I could have been. Being a little older now I am a different mother to both of them. I think I have more patience and my priorities have definitely shifted. I know now having them that this is what I am supposed to do. Some women choose a career and some women choose to be both a career woman and a mother. I know I am meant to be a mother.

I have always wanted kids for as far back as I can remember. I just feel this is really what I am supposed to be doing. So much so that even though Brody is only 12 days old I am already looking forward to the next (and probably last) baby. With everything going on with Jons non work situation and our savings being drained the kids make me happy. They are so innocent and have such a positive outlook on everything (except naps) how can you not love that? I am in a place now that I know even if we lost the house or our stuff I am content as long as we are all together. Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't had Braden when I did. Where would I be? What would I be doing? It is so amazing how one thing in your life can change the entire path in which you take. Braden wasn't planned but I am so glad he came when he did. I may be stressed out a lot and I might worry too but I am truly happy and wouldn't change my life for anything...ok well if I could move to the beach I would...but that's it! ;)

Homecoming

Here are a few pics of Brody coming home <3

What?? Its only been a few months!

Wow ok so I didn't realize that I have been neglecting my blog so here I am showing some love! There hasn't really been too much to report except for the fact that I had my baby!! Brody came a little earlier than we had anticipated but we are so happy he is here :)

It started last Thursday the 25th, I had been having sporadic contractions for a few hours but nothing I could keep track of. They were so inconsistent that I really didn't think much of them. After a few hours they stopped but I had this nagging cramp in my lower stomach so I decided to call the hospital. They didn't really sound worried and told me I should just come in to be safe and get checked out. We went to the hospital at about 11pm and they hooked me up to the monitors to be observed and all that fun stuff. After the got me all situated they checked to see if I was dilated and I was 2cm (earlier in the day i had a dr.appt. and I was 0 cm dilated) Over the next hour I had 3 big contractions and they checked me again and I was then 3 cm dilated. I was progressing pretty fast so they decided to call my OB. About 5 minutes after they left to call my OB the nurse comes in and says "We're having a baby!" I was in total shock, I was fully expecting to be sent home with a shot or something but no I was going to deliver. It is a scary thing to think you are going home to being told you are going to have a baby. They prepped me all up and the nurse gave me an IV (which hurt like HELL) then had me walk to the operating room.

Once we got into the OR they had me lean over the table to get an epidural. First they gave me a shot to numb the back then they gave me the actual spinal. Getting the epidural is scary, I mean they are sticking a needle in your spine! All I kept thinking about was "what if this is the last time I can feel my legs? What if I flinch and they paralyze me?" Just when I had all of these horrible thoughts going through my head Braden's favorite song came on the radio (they had one on in the OR...weird huh?) For reasons unknown to me my son Braden loves the song I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. I started to relax a little bit because I started to think of my little guy sitting at his Gigi's house having no idea he was about to be a big brother 3 weeks early. That ease and relaxation quickly passed when they laid me down on the table and started getting me ready to deliver. The spinal drug they had given me starts numbing your toes and works its way up all the way to the middle of your chest and it is a horrible feeling, I felt like I was being suffocated. They put the oxygen mask on me and I just started taking really deep breaths and trying to chill out while they started to operate. Because I had had an emergency c-section with my son they decided I would have a c-section with this one too. I wanted to try naturally but my doc says no no.

Once the doctor started operating on me I heard he talking about how she was leaving for California in a few hours and her and the nurse were just engaged in some general chit chat. I would kind of come in and out of realizing what was going on and would turn to Jon every now and then and say how scared I was. With Braden my c-section took about 2 minutes because he was in distress....since this one was fine it took them about 15 minutes but it seemed like forever. Finally at 1:34 am on Friday March 26th 2010 little Brody came into the world screaming bloody murder. He weighed in at 7 lbs. 8 oz and 18.5 in. long. Hearing him cry was the best sound in the world. I got to see him for about 2 seconds before the whisked him away. My doctor congratulated me sewed and stapled me shut and went on her way. Once I made it to my room I had the uncontrollable shakes and listened to the nurse talk about how stupid her black sheep brother was lol. After a little bit Jon a nurse and the doctor came in and I knew something was wrong. Turns out Brody had got some fluid in his lungs and was having trouble breathing. I was very upset since I was looking forward to seeing him. I was told from the beginning that he would remain in the NICU for the entire stay at the hospital. :(

The next morning I was able to go see him in the NICU but he was hooked up to so many things I wasn't able to hold him until 2 days later. Everyday he got better and they were slowly disconnecting things from him (ventilator, antibiotics, IV, oxygen just to name a few) We were told at the earliest he would not be able to go home until Friday April 2nd. I was able to stay in the hospital until the 30th of March, and going home without your baby is the worst feeling. You go in that hospital with the baby and you should be able to stay until you can carry that baby out. I was fully expecting to spend the next few days going back and forth from the hospital but on Wed. the 31st we were told he was well enough to come home early! We were thrilled :)

Brody is now a week old and is doing great at home. We couldn't be happier...the birth of Brody should make for some very fun posts as babies bring so many unexpected things to the table :)