You know I really wish I could be one of those people who can turn their mind off before they go to bed.
It makes me crazy how tired I am and how when I get into my nice cozy bed all I can do is think. I haven't always been this way, it seems to have started after I had Braden which makes me wonder how much of a nutcase I will be after this baby comes.
Things are ok right now but everyday we are waiting for Jon to get laid off. We know it is going to happen we just don't know WHEN. I am constantly worried that when he gets laid off there won't be any work, and we will lose everything. We decided to try for this baby because we felt secure and I am scared things are going to end up like they did when we had Braden.
Braden wasn't planned but you have to go with the flow. When he was born we were BROKE, maybe pulling in $750 every two weeks. Some months we couldn't pay rent and had to borrow money from our parents for diapers and formula. I always said that when we had another one things would be different and I really hope that is the case. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck ever again and we are going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen.
I suppose everything always has a way of working themselves out and "everything happens for a reason" Jon and I have dealt with bigger problems before and have come out just fine. I need to be able to accept the fact that worrying profusely everyday will not change anything that is going to happen. I know that but it doesn't stop my mind from over analyzing everything we do and every penny we spend. This stress and anxiety is exhausting and probably not the best for me. *sigh* I could really use a day on a beach right now....