New baby worries

I know just a few months ago I was bitching because I wasn't able to get pregnant right away,but now I have a whole new series of bitchisms. As my belly grows bigger so do my fears and worries. First of all, this pregnancy seems to be going exteremely fast, so fast that some weeks I forget just how far along I am! I have come to terms that this baby is in fact a boy (I may or may not have had more confirmation) and I am very happy and excited about that! As I am so excited for all of these changes it hits me....how the hell am I going to do this??

How in the world am I going to be able to give BOTH kids (wow that sounds weird to say) the same amount of attention? How do I make sure that Braden doesn't get neglected or pushed aside while I am trying to take care of a newborn? How do I keep a happy face when I have had 2 hours of sleep, been puked on, peed on, and havent had a shower in days? I am hoping these are all normal fears worries and questions! I am also pretty sure that it will be one of those things where it just comes to me and somehow I magically know how to handle everything (Braden is 4 so I have done something right so far!!)

I am also more fearful of delivery this time around too. I suppose that is thanks to the terrible experience I had with Braden. At least when I had him I didn't know what to expect so it wasn't so scary, but this time I have something to look back on and it scares the crap out of me. Braden's delivery was probably a weird fluke thing, but I can't help but be fearful that the same things will happen again. I also have a strong feeling that I will go into early labor again too but hey I also swore this baby was a girl...WRONG!

I guess it is just hard to picture myself as a mother of 2, but 4 years ago I couldn't picture myself as a mother period and so far so good :)

When I woke up

I don't know if I am finally starting to grow up, or if this baby is doing everything it possibly can to make me a better person but I woke up this morning with a very strange mentality..I just don't care anymore! I have been obsessively mad about my stuff being hacked into, and people going waaaay too far and beyond trying to get the latest scoop on me. I just realized how dumb they are. I mean who resorts to stuff like that just to know what is going on with someone 24/7? I guess I have to just come to terms with the fact thaat I have a little stalker..awwwww! I guess I am that important that they want to know everything about me. So since I am almost positive they are reading this right now. I have an open letter for them and all of you to see :)

Dear Stalkers,

I don't know what it is about me that intrigues you so much, but I must say I am almost flattered. I spend my days doing important things like taking care of my family, paying bills, tidying up around the house, playing some Roller Coaster Kingdom, watching my soap, and holding the fort down until my husband gets home. I realize that my life is so totally interesting and scandalous but it makes me wonder what your lives are lacking to be so obsessed with mine. I thought for sure you would be more concerned with your own things like figuring out how you are going to have room in that house for all of those people, maybe how you are going to dig yourself out of the debt hole you have created, what movie you are going to take all those people to next, what you are going to wear to the Renaissance Fair next year, writing to George Lucas begging him for yet another installment of Star Wars, and oh yeah taking care of your family. You know if you had put half the effort into your finances and life that you put into me maybe things could have turned out different for you. All the countless hours on the internet trying to get into my stuff or find some dirt on me should have been used trying to gather information on how to better your own lives. I guess what I am saying is I have more than enough important things going on in my life to keep me occupied. I know that priorities have never really been your thing, but unlike you I know the definition and it is important to me. So please, waste some more of your time and energy on me if that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. I'm not going to try and stop you anymore and I'm not going to get mad. I will just feel bad for how obsessed you are with me. Maybe one day in the future while I am trying to run my household you will pop into my mind, and if that happens it will put a smile on my face because I will be able to picture you sitting on a computer feverishly trying to see what I posted on my Facebook today....well I will save you the trouble today.....

Brittany Andrews had a Bagelful for breakfast this morning..mmmmm

so riveting!!

Priority: Precedence, especially established by order of importance or urgency

I know you're hungry!

If you live in Las Vegas you have to check out Vito's Pizza. It is a place that I used to go to with the bff a lot. They just relocated pretty much up the street from the last location, but it is still the same awesome food and atmosphere. Pizza, pasta, sandwiches, you name it they can make it!

Their new address is:

2525 W. Horizon Ridge Parkway #180

Las Vegas, NV 89052

(702) 269-6895---call for FREE delivery

Check out their full menu at: http://www.vitospizzalv.com/

Also become a fan on Facebook here:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Henderson-NV/Vitos-Pizza/222206840328

They have free delivery and they also cater (they catered my wedding yummy)...go get some pizza!

How to avoid being worlds worst dad

There are a lot of things that bother me. In fact, I'm sure too many things bother me. However, nothing bothers me more than someone turning their back on their family. It is disgusting and should be embarrasing to that person. Although I am sick to death of dealing with, seeing, hearing, and talking about a "man" I know. I keep writing about him to show others how not to ever ever act. I won't go in to too much detail about what happened only because it is too long, but I will say that your children should always come first. To help those out there who may not know I have compiled a list of things fathers should live by to make them better, because I know of at least one who could really use this

1. Your children should always come first no matter what

2. It is not ok to let your new young ugly wife scream, swear or punish your child

3. NEVER let your new ugly wife spread nasty things about your child on the internet

4. ALWAYS defend your child, children are forever, ugly wives may not be

5. STOP finding a way to blame everyone else but your new ugly wife

6. Tell your new ugly wife to shut up once in a while

7. It is ok to spend a day alone with your child, cut the leash for a day

8. Don't make a promise if you intend on breaking it

9. Adoption is serious and shouldn't end when the child turns 18

10. Just because she is young enough to be your daughter, NO you cannot adopt your wife

11. If you chose an ugly wife over your children they will move on

12. Using children and their emotions to get what you want is a no no

13. If your child has a child it does not make you an automatic grandpa, that title is earned

14. If you leave a gift on a doorstep for the child of the child, the child will give the gift to charity

15. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you have balls, well maybe you did but now she keeps them in a jar on her nightstand

The big question

Well I had my ultrasound yesterday to find out the sex of the baby and much to my surprise I was told it is a boy. While I am happy that the baby is looking very healthy and on schedule I can't help but be in complete denial that this baby is a boy. I was so completely positive that it was a girl...I only picked out girl things, names, etc. I feel like my "maternal instincts" are crap and for me that is a hard thing. as a mother you rely on those insitncts to get you through raising your child. I read a study that said over 75% of women correctly predict their child's gender before getting confirmation. I guess I am not in that percentile. When they told me the baby was a boy, I will admit I broke down, not because I am mad, but because I am disappointed in myself for even getting in way over my head before I knew for sure. I do need to make it known that I still love this baby the same as I did the moment I found out I was pregnant and that won't change. I am just so confused as to why I can not accept the fact that the doctors are right. I blame it partially on the fact that just a few weeks ago the same doctor said his guess was a girl, so part of me wonders what makes him so sure this time? I know in the back of my head he is probably right but I can't seem to shake this gut feeling that I am still right. I probably sound like a crazy person but I just feel so stupid! I am so blessed and so lucky to be able to have children and I never take that for granted....I know there are people out there who can't have children and would die to be able to do so. I am not ungrateful and I know once I accept I was wrong (which is always hard for me to admit no matter what!) I will comeback and read this and feel even more stupid for writing it in the first place,but for now it is theraputic

I did feel better when the ultrasound tech comforted me while I was crying. She stopped and looked at me and said "Oh its ok honey, I cried when I found out I was having a second girl." I have also talked to many people who told me they broke down when they were positive they were having a certian sex and found out they were having another. Like I said before I think it all comes from your reliance on your maternal instincts, and when you are wrong you just feel devastated and start wondering if you ever have them, at least I did. For now Jon and I have been trying to think of boy names (which is so much harder for us) and repick our baby stuff so that it is boy friendly, something tells me a baby boy just would not have much interest in pink bedding or a pink stroller lol! I will continue to have ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy and will post pictures soon :)